


what he meant by forever

by miyabam



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Driver's License, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, based heavily on driver's license, i just wanted some tsukkiyama angst, idk why i wrote this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28753200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyabam/pseuds/miyabam
Summary: “How long are you going to follow me, Yamaguchi?”“Forever, Tsukki! I’ll always be with you!”Tsukishima Kei never understood what it meant to be with someone forever but since it was coming from Yamaguchi, it seemed promising.Or in which Tsukishima Kei learns what Yamaguchi meant by forever.Or in which Tsukishima Kei is in denial of how he feel about Yamaguchi until he realises what he meant by forever.
Relationships: Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	what he meant by forever

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for 6 hours straight and i finished it at exactly 4:37am. the english may not be the best and i think i lost track of what i initially wanted to write but i am still pretty satisfied with it. this is my first work and i hope you all can spare me some mercy. i never expected my first imagine about haikyuu to be about tsukkiyama but here we are. this is heavily based on driver's license which is all over tiktok and i am personally obsessed with the song itself so i hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoy writing it. thanks for reading this, i truly appreciate it. love you all and stay safe! <3

Forever meant never ending, the tall blonde knew that well but he always questioned how things could never come to an end. Many things in the world were bound to end, be it life or relationship. Even the Earth itself would end one day, at least that was what Tsukishima believed. The dinosaurs he had an interest in were gone from existence and the shop he used to visit when he was younger had moved to another town. There was no such thing as forever to Tsukishima, it was just an empty promise. 

When he first met Yamaguchi, he came across him on the sand of the playground while three taller kids surrounded him. He heard the names and insults that were thrown at him but he never really paid attention to the small boy. He only called them lame just to put them in their place if they thought doing such actions were cool. No, he certainly didn’t care if the green-haired boy was being bullied or not. 

The next time he saw him was at a volleyball practice and he did not even remember his face until the boy recalled the incident to him. He never expected to see him again anyways, although Tsukishima never expected Yamaguchi to remain in his life from that day onwards. He remembered his brightly lit eyes when Tsukishima was lowkey bragging about his brother being an ace of a powerhouse school which turned out to be false. It was a cute sight but at that time, Tsukishima only thought he was like a cute puppy. 

The most significant memory that Tsukishima has of Yamaguchi was when they were walking home together after realising the truth of which position his brother played. He was hurt and betrayed by his brother, and embarrassed for bragging about him to Yamaguchi and a few others. Yamaguchi trailed behind him like a lost puppy finding shelter and he did find it a little annoying because all he wanted was space and time to himself. 

“How long are you going to keep following me, Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima asked, voice cold with a slight shiver. 

There was a long pause and Tsukishima turned to see if the male was still there or if he was long gone and Tsukishima was just hallucinating. Yamaguchi was still there and he was fiddling with the hem of his shirt, biting his lips while hesitating to answer. His green eyes met Tsukishima with determination that was held back by a little fear. 

“Forever, Tsukki!” He declared. “I’ll always be with you!” 

Tsukishima could only think he was saying these words to comfort him. Afterall, his brother did mention about being an ace and he was fooled by him. How could he be sure that Yamaguchi was not just trying to make him feel better. Then again, Yamaguchi had been following him ever since the day he saved him and welcomed him to the junior volleyball club. It seemed promising coming from Yamaguchi, he even looked him in the eye which was something Yamaguchi would rarely do. 

Tsukishima only remained silent, however, but continued to let Yamaguchi follow him. 

——————

Years passed and Yamaguchi still remained by Tsukishima's side, becoming a third year with him and even became the captain of the team. The middle blocker was proud of him, of course, and was glad to see that Yamaguchi had gained more confidence in himself. He was cool to Tsukishime, no longer the lame green haired freckled boy who only followed him. But that was mostly in front of others. When the two were alone, things were just like the old times and Tsukishima didn’t mind it being like that at all. 

He had come to enjoy the company of the smaller male, finding comfort in his presence and peace in his voice. It fulfilled the empty void that was in Tsukishima which was the reason why he always had his headphones down when he was together with Yamaguchi. The float server was simply Tsukishima’s good friend who he likes spending time with, that was what Tsukishima thought of Yamaguchi. 

It never once occurred to him that he might be in love with the boy because wanting to see Yamaguchi, wanting to hear his voice, wanting his company around all the time was something normal for friends to feel. Yes, feeling his heart pound when he sees Yamaguchi smile, noticing the small details in Yamaguchi’s freckles like how that one freckle which was near his nose was similar to a heart shape, feeling upset when he sees him pout was something of a normal friendship. Nothing more than that. 

Yamaguchi was also there when Tsukishima got his first car, a gift from his parents the moment he turned eighteen. He remembered Yamaguchi showing the same brightly lit eyes, unable to contain his excitement at his new car. It almost seemed like he was the one receiving the car instead of Tsukishima but the sight of it was so adorable to Tsukishima, so precious. He wanted to look at it for as long as he could and when he thought of that, he was reminded of Yamaguchi’s words. 

_“Forever, Tsukki!” He declared. “I’ll always be with you!”_

At that moment, Tsukishima knew he did not need to worry about Yamaguchi lying about that sentence because it was true. Yamaguchi was going to stay by his side forever. The first person Tsukishima drove in his brand new car was Yamaguchi and he drove him to practice and back home on that day. He was an excited puppy and Tsukishima felt the happiest seeing him with that wide smile and the small giggles. He was the only person that could do this to him and he wanted to remain the only person who could do this to him. 

It took that one car ride for Tsukishima to realise that the time he could spend with Yamaguchi was shortened. The thirty-minute walk was not cut short to a ten-minute drive and Tsukishima was not in favour of it. Yamaguchi liked when Tsukishima drove, however, he looked “cool” and Tsukishima wanted to look cool in front of him which was the reason why he continued fetching Yamaguchi to and fro. He found out later that he could drive a longer route to extend the time he could spend with Yamaguchi and the boy did not seem to mind it so that was what he did. 

Night drives were also frequent for the two of them, driving in circles around the neighbourhood while engaging each other with greek tragedy playing in the background. Tsukishima loved what he had with Yamaguchi and he wished for it to remain forever, although not much wishing was needed because he believed Yamaguchi’s word. He believed Yamaguchi when he said he would be with him forever. 

“Tsukki, do you remember Terushima? The captain with piercings and everything,” Yamaguchi brought up during their weekly night drives. Terushima’s face flashed in Tsukishima’s mind and he hummed in response to Yamaguchi. _What could that wild boy want with Yamaguchi for him to bring him up?_ Tsukishima thought. 

“I bumped into him the other day after meeting with the coach and he invited me to grab dinner or lunch with him sometime. We even exchanged numbers and he asked again, do you think I should go?” Yamaguchi asked. 

No, was what Tsukishima wanted to say but what reason was he going to give. They had exams? Exams were over a week ago. They had practice? The coach gave them a break for a week. There was no sound excuse that Tsukishima could give to Yamaguchi but all he knew was that he did not want Yamaguchi to go. Terushima had no reason to hit Yamaguchi up anyways and they never interacted much during their match so why does he want lunch or dinner with him? All these questions were appearing one after the other in Tsukishima’s mind but he had no right to ask them, not when he was only a friend of Yamaguchi. 

“Up to you.” Tsukishima answered. Neither a yes nor a no, it was the best answer Tsukishima could think of. He figured that Yamaguchi’s life should not be controlled by him and he could hang out with whoever that he wanted to, so long as he continued to stay by Tsukishima’s side. Everything is possible as long as he is by his side. That was what Tsukishima thought and to his surprise, Terushima’s name never popped up in the conversation during that drive. 

——————

“I’m telling you, four-eyes, there is no way you only see Yamaguchi as a friend if you were thinking that way,” the voice belonging to Kuroo Tetsuro sounded over the static line. Tsukishima groaned softly, rolling his eyes even though the Nekoma member couldn’t see it. He did not even have a chance to rebut when the ace from Fukurodani came into the conversation. 

“Kuroo’s right, Tsukki. If you only thought of him as a friend, you would offer him advice and tell him to stay safe. Maybe even offered to drive him there but the first thing you thought of answering was a no? Definitely not friend terms,” Bokuto added on, delivering his point strongly.

Tsukishima sighed, “I just think the Terushima guy is too wild and he might do something to hurt Yamaguchi if they went out,” 

“He seems like a nice guy,” Kuroo replied. “I mean they exchanged numbers and you said Yamaguchi isn’t someone who does that unless he feels comfortable with that person right?” 

Tsukishima could not make a comeback towards the point Kuroo just made because it was mainly true. The next question in his head was why Yamaguchi allowed his number to be on that Terushima’s guy phone. Was he really a nice dude despite his looks? No, but even if he was nice, Terushima still did not seem trustworthy to Tsukishima. Just the thought of them together irked Tsukishima. 

“Let me ask you something, Tsukki. If Yamaguchi goes to hang with Terushima and one day he comes to you and tells you that he wants to be with him, like in a relationship, how would you feel?” Kuroo asked. 

“I’d say—”

“How you would feel, Tsukki! Not what you would say,” Bokuto had to remind Tsukishima. 

Tsukishima paused. How would he feel. Of course he would not like his best friend to date someone, that was a given right? He wanted Yamaguchi to continue to stay by his side and be with him always but if he were to date someone, that would mean he would prioritize Terushima over him. Yamaguchi was always following Tsukishima but once he started to date, does that mean he would stop following him? Tsukishima did not want that and that was normal for a friend to feel right? 

But if what Kuroo and Bokuto said was true, that he was not seeing Yamaguchi as a friend, then what did he see him as? A lover? That would be impossible, why would he be in love with his closest friend. That would be wrong. Tsukishima then directed his thoughts into the words Yamaguchi once told him and it made him realise that he was putting too little faith into his friend. He said he would be with him forever so as long as he stood by that, he would not mind if he dated. Yes, that was how Tsukishima convinced himself. 

_“Forever, Tsukki!” He declared. “I’ll always be with you!”_

“He said he would follow me forever so I wouldn’t feel any different from how I’m feeling now,” 

A response that made both Kuroo and Bokuto sigh.

——————

Yamaguchi got into his car with a glow on his face, an expression Tsukishima has never seen on his face before. There was a foolish smile on his face and it was the happiest smile the blonde boy witnessed. The boy was even humming! Tsukishima felt a little uncomfortable and cleared his throat, adjusting himself on the driver’s seat as he turned the wheel to start the drive. 

“I’m assuming you went for lunch with that Terushima guy?” Tsukishima started, wanting to get this conversation over and done with. He heard Yamaguchi hum and at the side of his eyesight, he saw Yamaguchi turning to face him and nodded happily. He continued by asking how it went, flashing a face of disgust which had not gone unseen by Yamaguchi. The elated boy paid no mind to it however, and proceeded to talk about the lunch he had with the guy Tsukishima felt irritated by. 

“He even bought me my favourite ice-cream after and I asked him how he knew, and he told me that he liked the same flavour as me! What a coincidence right?! Not only that, I found out that he likes soft floppy french fries too! I never thought an intimidating guy like him could have so much in common with someone like me,” Yamaguchi ended softly. 

There was a soft blush across his cheeks and Tsukishima could see it faintly under the passing street lights. It was adorable and it made his heart jump but was soon hit with an ache when he realised that the blush was not caused by him. He pushed his thoughts away, not wanting to make Yamaguchi unhappy with the remarks he wanted to make. 

“Uh, that’s good I guess. I’m glad he’s a nice guy.” Tsukishima forced himself to say through gritted teeth. “And what do you mean by ‘someone like you’, you’re not any different from the cool people you think,” He added at the back, frowning as he remembered the words that left Yamaguchi’s mouth earlier. 

The adorable boy hummed and muttered a soft ‘thanks’ as Tsukishima pulled up to the front of Yamaguchi’s house. He turned to face the blonde with a small grateful smile. His green eyes twinkled under the flickering street light that was in front of them. Tsukishima gulped, his eyes moved its attention to his lips. His lips looked soft and so tempting, a detail that Tsukishima never noticed about Yamaguchi. A thought crossed his mind: what if he leaned in, would Yamaguchi refuse? 

“I’ll get going first, Tsukki! Thanks for tonight, I'm so grateful to have a best friend like you,” A wider grin formed on the freckled boy’s lips, breaking Tsukishima’s thought and snapped him back into reality. The taller male hummed, turning back to face the front as Yamaguchi left the car. The moment the car door closes, Tsukishima turns and watches Yamaguchi’s back getting further from his view. 

_“Forever, Tsukki!” He declared. “I’ll always be with you!”_

Yamaguchi said forever but why does Tsukishima feel like he’s slipping away? 

——————

Tsukishima does not know how long it has been since Yamaguchi has started talking to Terushima but it seemed like a pretty damn long time. The only name he hears slipping out of Yamaguchi’s mouth is that bastard’s name and he was getting tired of it. Knowing him, he would have snapped and said a nasty remark but the look on the boy’s face when he speaks of him was a face that Tsukishima wanted him to have forever. 

He was the happiest talking about Terushima and it almost felt as though Tsukishima did not treat him the same way. He does but just not openly and Yamaguchi should know that. Or maybe he just thought he knew but he doesn’t. Whatever it was, Terushima was stealing his friend away from him. At least that was how it looked to Tsukishima. His friends said otherwise and took a few hours in hopes to knock some sense into their dear friend who was clearly in denial. 

“Listen to me, Tsukki-boy! You like Yamaguchi—No, you love him. You love him so much, you don’t want to lose him, that is why you’re reacting like this! You even thought of kissing him!” Kuroo yelled into his phone, Tsukishima having to pull his ear away from his phone. 

“Would you let Yamaguchi hang out with the Teru-whatever-his-name-is guy or would you let him hang out with us?” Bokuto questioned after. 

“None.” 

“Oh my gosh, if you _had_ to choose one?” Now it was Bokuto’s turn to raise his voice into the phone. 

The latter was obviously chosen and sighs were heard from the other side. They tried to reason with Tsukishima’s behaviour but he was stubborn, he refused to accept it. Yamaguchi was just a friend that was why he reacted this way, he was a special friend for Tsukishima which would explain why he did not want to lose him to Terushima. 

His friends eventually stopped trying, only wishing him best of luck and promised to just listen to him when it finally happened. Tsukishima did not know what they meant by it but he paid no attention to it, the weekly drive was happening again tonight. He just wanted to see Yamaguchi to feel better. 

And so he did. He picked up Yamaguchi from his house as usual and started to drive their normal route, like always. They talked about the small things before he let Yamaguchi go into his usual rant about Terushima. Tsukishima tried not to pay attention to his words and focused on the bright smile on his face. Though it was difficult when the reality that he was not the reason for the smile kept hitting him, the ache that was in his heart grew more painful to the point where he had to just bear with it. Too hurtful to ignore. 

Just as Tsukishima was about to speak, he was interrupted by the ringtone that belonged to Yamaguchi’s phone. He flashed a look of apology and picked it up, his face lighting up instantly. 

“Hey Yūji!” 

Upon hearing that, Tsukishima nearly stepped on the left pedal which would send Yamaguchi flying out of the car. They had only known each other for a few weeks and they were already on first name basis. Yamaguchi had known Tsukishima almost all his life and yet the only time he had called Tsukishima by his first name was when they were younger. He doesn’t do it anymore but he calls Terushima by his first name. 

This was a huge shock to Tsukishima and it made him zone out for the rest of the conversation Yamaguchi had with Terushima. He could not wrap his head around the word that left Yamaguchi’s mouth so casually. The way he called his name so excitedly and how giggly he became. This was all so familiar yet all so distant to Tsukishima. When was the last time he called his name this excitedly, Tsukishima could not recall. 

“Hey Tsukki, can I ask for a favour?” Yamaguchi’s delicate voice interrupts his thoughts. 

Tsukishima looks to him for a brief moment before nodding, motioning for him to continue with his words. 

“Could you send me to Terushima’s place? He said he had something to tell me,” 

Tsukishima froze in his place, nearly crashing the car into a wall but managed to regain himself in time. How should he tell Yamaguchi to not go? How could he even say no in the first place even though he was asking for a favour and he technically had the right to say no. But how could he reject him when there was no reason to. There was nothing to use as an excuse especially at a time like this at night. 

Even if he had an excuse, Tsukishima could not escape the inevitable. This was bound to happen sooner or later and it was not up to Tsukishima to stop it. He could if he wanted but at what risk? The friendship between Yamaguchi and him? Terushima was going to say it sooner or later and if he didn’t, Yamaguchi would. He knew he would. After all, the night drives were the only time they were meeting. He doesn’t even see Yamaguchi after school anymore because he always rushes off to find him. 

Why did Tsukishima want to stop Yamaguchi though? Bokuto's words rang in his head: _“if you only thought of him as a friend, you would offer him advice and tell him to stay safe. Maybe even offered to drive him there but the first thing you thought of answering was a no? Definitely not friend terms”_ That’s right, he was friends with Yamaguchi. Not anything more than that and he should be more than willing to drive him there, he should also be excited for him. But all he could feel was dread and regret as he let Yamaguchi type in Terushima’s address into his GPS system. 

He could see the nervousness and excitement in Yamaguchi’s expression, he also knew what was probably coming. Tsukishima wanted to slow his speed but he couldn’t, not after seeing the look on Yamaguchi’s face. The blonde bit his lip, taking in a deep breath as he turned onto the street where Terushima resided. It was nearing and Tsukishima was scared. Not for Yamaguchi but the fear that Yamaguchi was leaving his side. 

Yamaguchi took a deep breath as he looked out to his house before turning back to Tsukishima. “Thanks,” he breathed out, mind clearly occupied about Terushima’s words. Tsukishima gulped once more, his heart nearly beating out of his chest. No words could come out of his mouth properly. Yamaguchi’s back turned against Tsukishima and he pulled the handle of the car door. 

Tsukishima’s eyes widened. _No,_ he screamed inwardly, _don’t go!_ As Yamaguchi pushed the door open, Tsukishima reached out to him and held onto his sleeve by instinct. He gasped softly but closed his mouth when Yamaguchi turned to him with an eyebrow raised. A confused expression was written all over his face. “Is something wrong, Tsukki?” 

_Yes, everything is wrong. Don’t go to him, come with me. I can treat you much better._ These were the words that Tsukishima wanted to tell him, to scream at him. He wanted to grab Yamaguchi by the collar and pull him into a deep kiss after and continue to plead for him to not leave his side. He couldn’t do that now, could he? Not after he was in denial of his feelings. Not after all the times where he could tell Yamaguchi how he actually felt about Terushima but chose to shut up because he looked so happy. There was one thing Tsukishima needed to know however. 

“Tsukki?” 

“Did you mean it?” 

“Sorry?” 

“Did you mean it when you said you would always be with me, forever?” 

That line made Yamaguchi giggle, him letting go of the car door handle and turning to Tsukishima. “Of course I meant it,” he replied softly. 

It was at that moment Tsukishima realised what he actually meant. His tensed shoulders slumped and he lost the grip on Yamaguchi’s sleeve. He sat up straight and ran a hand through his hair. “Good luck,” Tsukishima muttered and Yamaguchi smiled brightly, replying with a nervous ‘thank you’ before leaving the car. He left Tsukishima alone in his car. The air conditioner in his car was not even turned on but he felt the coldest he had ever been. Right there and then, as he let Yamaguchi go, he realised the meaning of Yamaguchi’s forever and he realised the feelings he had for Yamaguchi. 

He looked out of the window to see him being enveloped in the arms of someone else. Tsukishima bites his lips once more and grips on the steering wheel tightly, turning his car around to drive back to his neighbourhood. He felt his heart being pricked by small sharp needles as the scene replayed in his head. 

_“Forever, Tsukki!” He declared. “I’ll always be with you!”_

Yamaguchi’s words repeated in his head like a broken record, causing Tsukishima to scoff. He finally understood the meaning of forever and the forever meant by Yamaguchi wasn’t meant to be never ending. No, that was not what Yamaguchi meant. 

When Yamaguchi said forever, when he said he would always be with him, it just meant that Yamaguchi would be there until he could not be there with Tsukishima. It did not mean that Yamaguchi and Tsukishima would be forever together. Tsukishima realised how much of a fool to believe that that was his intention. 

The most he could be with Tsukishima was a friend and that was the most his “forever” with Tsukishima could go. 

Driving past Yamaguchi’s place before reaching his, Yamaguchi’s words resounded in his head once more. 

_“Forever, Tsukki!” He declared. “I’ll always be with you!”_

Another scoff left Tsukishima’s mouth, “You said forever, now I drive alone past your street.”


End file.
